While you were eating...

Scene from today's attempt to pick up lunch:

Me: I'd like to order take out, please?
Guy who looks like Joey from While you were Sleeping?: Sure. Can I recommend the brisket?
Me: Thanks, but actually I'll have the garden salad, balsamic vinaigrette on the side, please.
GWLLJFWYWS (with an incredulous look on his face):   Just the salad? So you want me to add bacon or chicken?
Me: No thanks.
GWLLJFWYWS (with an incredulous look on his face):   Are you sure?
Me: Yes. And an ice tea, please.
GWLLJFWYWS: It's much better with the bacon. I'd actually suggest extra bacon. 
Me: I'm sure it is, but I'm a vegetarian.Thanks, though.
GWLLJFWYWS (looking at me like I have three heads):  Really? You don't eat meat? Like, at all? Why?
Me:  Personal preference.
GWLLJFWYWS: Oh. Well, then I'd recommend the chicken and rice casserole.
Me (after a 5 second delay, trying to figure out if he's joking. He's not.): Thanks, but I'll just take the salad and the tea.
GWLLJFWYWS: Whatever you want...but don't say I didn't warn you.

After that enlightening three minutes of my life that I'll. never. get. back, I left the restaurant and headed back to the office...

....where I opened my salad to find...

a mountain of bacon.

FAIL.